Hello Nanda!
This is a good, first draft not only of your play but also of your projected trilogy as we discussed it the last time we met.
1) First, read Agatha Christie's The Secret of Chimneys--not that it has anything to do with your play but because of her expert handling of presenting clues and masking identities.
2) Your mysterious showcasing of the character Malavika is commendable. Ensure, however, that she is spiritually present even when she is physically absent in scenes.
3) Is the character Ira necessary? How does she embody the premise? Her presence in the first scene might lead the audience to believe that the play is all about her. Remember that your play is about being a man and being a husband, not being a parent.
4) In the TV scene and the birthday scene, which you tend to overdevelop by making everyone talk of trivialities, your story stops moving forward. Be aware that your genre is poetic realism, not realism.
5) Eliminate unnecessary subplots. Your focus is Agni-Malavika.
6) In a mystery play (not in the medieval sense), a playwright will always allow his audience to be ten steps ahead of the storyteller. No surprises should be sprung.
7) No matter what the subject matter, begin your play as close to the climax as possible.
Take a rest and mull over your play before rewriting it.
Diagram your trilogy on a piece of paper and write, under each play title, what you need to achieve in each play. You will find that the less characters you have, the more substantial your work will be.
You may not be able to rewrite this draft in time for my arrival in Singapore. However, I will be happy to meet you anyway, to discuss what difficulties you may be having.
This is a good, first draft not only of your play but also of your projected trilogy as we discussed it the last time we met.
1) First, read Agatha Christie's The Secret of Chimneys--not that it has anything to do with your play but because of her expert handling of presenting clues and masking identities.
2) Your mysterious showcasing of the character Malavika is commendable. Ensure, however, that she is spiritually present even when she is physically absent in scenes.
3) Is the character Ira necessary? How does she embody the premise? Her presence in the first scene might lead the audience to believe that the play is all about her. Remember that your play is about being a man and being a husband, not being a parent.
4) In the TV scene and the birthday scene, which you tend to overdevelop by making everyone talk of trivialities, your story stops moving forward. Be aware that your genre is poetic realism, not realism.
5) Eliminate unnecessary subplots. Your focus is Agni-Malavika.
6) In a mystery play (not in the medieval sense), a playwright will always allow his audience to be ten steps ahead of the storyteller. No surprises should be sprung.
7) No matter what the subject matter, begin your play as close to the climax as possible.
Take a rest and mull over your play before rewriting it.
Diagram your trilogy on a piece of paper and write, under each play title, what you need to achieve in each play. You will find that the less characters you have, the more substantial your work will be.
You may not be able to rewrite this draft in time for my arrival in Singapore. However, I will be happy to meet you anyway, to discuss what difficulties you may be having.
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