Hello Sarah!
The most remarkable thing about your manuscript is that, although incomplete, it has all the elements that we discussed in our workshop: specifically a clear premise, the right point of attack, and conflict. Your dialogue is crisp and economical. The action is as swift as the action in the Gospel of Mark. The drama is unfolding properly. The play promises to be a wonderful case study of incest. Strangely, it is also Brechtian in treatment.
Please continue to work on and complete this play. Be sensitive to cultural references--for example, is the Wheel of Fortune game within the collective unconscious of Singaporeans, or is there a Chinese game of a similar nature that we can connect more comfortably not only with the protagonist but also with her father?
Like Rae, you have a good ear for dialogue, but give more texture to the other characters' speech (except for the father, whose dialogue is properly Singlese) to avoid making them sound like one another.
Your management of time is clever, but the changes should be made clearer to the audience.
On the whole, good work. Keep it going. I hope you can do more pages, if not the entire play, in time for my arrival in Singapore. Write at least two hours a day--whether on this manuscript or not. Just write.
When you re-submit your work, kindly highlight the passages you changed or added, in a bright color. If nothing is highlighted, I will assume that you did nothing to change the work.
The most remarkable thing about your manuscript is that, although incomplete, it has all the elements that we discussed in our workshop: specifically a clear premise, the right point of attack, and conflict. Your dialogue is crisp and economical. The action is as swift as the action in the Gospel of Mark. The drama is unfolding properly. The play promises to be a wonderful case study of incest. Strangely, it is also Brechtian in treatment.
Please continue to work on and complete this play. Be sensitive to cultural references--for example, is the Wheel of Fortune game within the collective unconscious of Singaporeans, or is there a Chinese game of a similar nature that we can connect more comfortably not only with the protagonist but also with her father?
Like Rae, you have a good ear for dialogue, but give more texture to the other characters' speech (except for the father, whose dialogue is properly Singlese) to avoid making them sound like one another.
Your management of time is clever, but the changes should be made clearer to the audience.
On the whole, good work. Keep it going. I hope you can do more pages, if not the entire play, in time for my arrival in Singapore. Write at least two hours a day--whether on this manuscript or not. Just write.
When you re-submit your work, kindly highlight the passages you changed or added, in a bright color. If nothing is highlighted, I will assume that you did nothing to change the work.
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