Stimulate your sense of sight by using a different ink color every week. The changes in color will also spark off associations buried in your Unconscious.
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Writing from The Heart
Design and execution by Meeko Marasigan
Sunday, March 10, 2019
Wednesday, March 6, 2019
Dramaturgy for TheatreWorks Singapore: _The Promise_ by Ivan
Hello Ivan, and congratulations! Your play has developed from a mere sketch on two sheets of paper into a full-blown play.
If you still have your first draft, read it, then read your present version again. The reason you succeeded is that you began writing without guilt, which is the essence of writing from a state of emotional truth.
A few comments:
1) Only one scene is underwritten, and that is Scene 3. Introduce dramatic action in this scene to push the premise forward.
2) Proofread your work. A few examples of your oversight:
--Page 1, Line 8: Change "can be played by the same actor" to "can be played by the actor who plays Andy".
--Page 1, Line 9: Change "can be played by the same actor that plays Penny" to "can be played by the actor who plays Penny".
I have to advise you, however, that using the same actors in multiple roles destroys the audience's suspension of disbelief. It brings the work from being dramatic to being theatrical, and might not work with this particular play.
--Page 6, Line 2: Change "worst for wear" to "the worse for wear".
--Page 7, Line 9: Change "breath" to "breathe".
--Page 9, Line 7: Change "Creepy" to "Creep".
There are more, but I won't bother to list them here. Proofread also for punctuation marks.
Remember that, as a painting must be clean, well-executed, and framed, so must a script be presentable to an artistic director and a producer.
3) Resolve the issue of your flashbacks, which will entail costume and make-up changes. These will look good on a TV screen on a bar, especially since your play can be held in an actual restaurant. The here and now of the play is the here and now of the audience. Don't stage flashbacks that will only remind them of where they really are and that they are just having dinner and watching a play. It's like being served unexpected appetizers before dessert.
4) Relabel Scene 17 as Scene 15A.
On the whole, this is a well-written play. As I mentioned previously, it will be most effective in an actual restaurant where the audience is being served dinner and with actual waiters milling about.
Your writing has become less uptight and definitey more relaxed, most probably as a result of your honesty toward your subject matter. It was a pleasure to read this play, and, I am certain, it will be an even greater pleasure to watch it. I hope that TheatreWorks will be willing to produce this in an actual restaurant, or in a set-up restaurant on the second floor of the theatre buiding, or in a cocktail party held in the same venue.
You may rewrite Scene 3 and polish this play and submit it to me again, if you wish, or you may do that and submit it to TheatreWorks for a possible staged reading or production.
If you still have your first draft, read it, then read your present version again. The reason you succeeded is that you began writing without guilt, which is the essence of writing from a state of emotional truth.
A few comments:
1) Only one scene is underwritten, and that is Scene 3. Introduce dramatic action in this scene to push the premise forward.
2) Proofread your work. A few examples of your oversight:
--Page 1, Line 8: Change "can be played by the same actor" to "can be played by the actor who plays Andy".
--Page 1, Line 9: Change "can be played by the same actor that plays Penny" to "can be played by the actor who plays Penny".
I have to advise you, however, that using the same actors in multiple roles destroys the audience's suspension of disbelief. It brings the work from being dramatic to being theatrical, and might not work with this particular play.
--Page 6, Line 2: Change "worst for wear" to "the worse for wear".
--Page 7, Line 9: Change "breath" to "breathe".
--Page 9, Line 7: Change "Creepy" to "Creep".
There are more, but I won't bother to list them here. Proofread also for punctuation marks.
Remember that, as a painting must be clean, well-executed, and framed, so must a script be presentable to an artistic director and a producer.
3) Resolve the issue of your flashbacks, which will entail costume and make-up changes. These will look good on a TV screen on a bar, especially since your play can be held in an actual restaurant. The here and now of the play is the here and now of the audience. Don't stage flashbacks that will only remind them of where they really are and that they are just having dinner and watching a play. It's like being served unexpected appetizers before dessert.
4) Relabel Scene 17 as Scene 15A.
On the whole, this is a well-written play. As I mentioned previously, it will be most effective in an actual restaurant where the audience is being served dinner and with actual waiters milling about.
Your writing has become less uptight and definitey more relaxed, most probably as a result of your honesty toward your subject matter. It was a pleasure to read this play, and, I am certain, it will be an even greater pleasure to watch it. I hope that TheatreWorks will be willing to produce this in an actual restaurant, or in a set-up restaurant on the second floor of the theatre buiding, or in a cocktail party held in the same venue.
You may rewrite Scene 3 and polish this play and submit it to me again, if you wish, or you may do that and submit it to TheatreWorks for a possible staged reading or production.
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