Hi Clara!
Again I enjoyed your handling of language. Your journalist's obsession-compulsion helped; your thorough proofreading and concern with the usage of correct idioms and spelling ensured good reading.
My comments on your manuscript remain the same as before. Since you did not make changes other than add more poetic imagery in the monologues, my dramaturging remains at a standstill.
This close to the staged reading of your play, try to consider the following:
--The overall style is poetic realism. The monologues are interspersed, however, with a melodrama. If you stripped off all the monologues that is what you merely end up with.
--The premise seems to have much to do with distrust, rather than love, or woman as co-creator and man as traitor. As such the play might be more appropriately titled Birthing Days rather than Birth Days.
--Act 2 Scene 3 onward comes across as an epilogue to the entire play. The character change of SABINE is abrupt, and the audience will feel deprived of everything that led to this change. Character change must be shown as coming from within, not as a result of a vehicular accident or of mellowing with age.
--On Page 39, the disembodied voice of the INTERVIEWER is quite out of syncopation with everything else. You've been showing all the minor characters onstage so far. Why not the INTERVIEWER?
--LENG and MICHAEL are not real characters because they do not undergo dramatic change, they are there simply as props for SABINE. The false closure you give them in the end are inexplicable.
As a general rule, when I dramaturge a play, I am unable to proceed if the playwright takes no action on my suggestions. It is pointless to keep resubmitting to me practically the same manuscript over and over again, hoping that I will see things differently.
I usually don't.
Again I enjoyed your handling of language. Your journalist's obsession-compulsion helped; your thorough proofreading and concern with the usage of correct idioms and spelling ensured good reading.
My comments on your manuscript remain the same as before. Since you did not make changes other than add more poetic imagery in the monologues, my dramaturging remains at a standstill.
This close to the staged reading of your play, try to consider the following:
--The overall style is poetic realism. The monologues are interspersed, however, with a melodrama. If you stripped off all the monologues that is what you merely end up with.
--The premise seems to have much to do with distrust, rather than love, or woman as co-creator and man as traitor. As such the play might be more appropriately titled Birthing Days rather than Birth Days.
--Act 2 Scene 3 onward comes across as an epilogue to the entire play. The character change of SABINE is abrupt, and the audience will feel deprived of everything that led to this change. Character change must be shown as coming from within, not as a result of a vehicular accident or of mellowing with age.
--On Page 39, the disembodied voice of the INTERVIEWER is quite out of syncopation with everything else. You've been showing all the minor characters onstage so far. Why not the INTERVIEWER?
--LENG and MICHAEL are not real characters because they do not undergo dramatic change, they are there simply as props for SABINE. The false closure you give them in the end are inexplicable.
As a general rule, when I dramaturge a play, I am unable to proceed if the playwright takes no action on my suggestions. It is pointless to keep resubmitting to me practically the same manuscript over and over again, hoping that I will see things differently.
I usually don't.
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