Hello Danial!
I enjoyed reading the draft you sent me. Here are my comments:
--A problem is dramatic only when something big is at stake, otherwise it is merely melodrama. You manifest unusual maturity in your writing, though, and I am certain that you can elevate the domestic issue you are writing about to a higher level. Depth in characterization is one way to do that; I can tell from what I have read so far that you are capable of doing it.
--Page 6, Line 13. ANDREW states that he gets to see his father only twice a year. Yet, on Page 9, Lines 12 and 19, SANDRA and MOTHER indicate that Danial gets to see his father on "weekends" and "some weekends".
--Page 12, First Stage Direction, Top of Page. In real life, a person administering a drawing test gives a subject a minimum of 30 minutes to complete his drawing. This gives allowance for the subject's anxiety and subconscious resistance--especially a subject who claims that he does not know how to draw.
--Page 12, Line 4. A 15-year-old boy will not draw a heart in the presence of a female psychiatrist, unless he has a crush on her. At that age, masculine power symbols (or broken power symbols, indicating impotence or frustration) would be more appropriate.
--Page 12, Line 9. ANDREW's narrative using the third person comes across as artificial or insincere.
--SANDRA is a mere foil. Do you intend to develop her character further? Other than being a psychiatrist and friend, what is her emotional investment in this play?
--Do we get to see the father at all, or will he be absent all throughout the play? If you intend to work him in, he should make an appearance as early as possible, in order to balance your orchestration of characters.
Overall, your point of attack is good and your dialogue is also excellent.
I very much look forward to the completion of your work.
I enjoyed reading the draft you sent me. Here are my comments:
--A problem is dramatic only when something big is at stake, otherwise it is merely melodrama. You manifest unusual maturity in your writing, though, and I am certain that you can elevate the domestic issue you are writing about to a higher level. Depth in characterization is one way to do that; I can tell from what I have read so far that you are capable of doing it.
--Page 6, Line 13. ANDREW states that he gets to see his father only twice a year. Yet, on Page 9, Lines 12 and 19, SANDRA and MOTHER indicate that Danial gets to see his father on "weekends" and "some weekends".
--Page 12, First Stage Direction, Top of Page. In real life, a person administering a drawing test gives a subject a minimum of 30 minutes to complete his drawing. This gives allowance for the subject's anxiety and subconscious resistance--especially a subject who claims that he does not know how to draw.
--Page 12, Line 4. A 15-year-old boy will not draw a heart in the presence of a female psychiatrist, unless he has a crush on her. At that age, masculine power symbols (or broken power symbols, indicating impotence or frustration) would be more appropriate.
--Page 12, Line 9. ANDREW's narrative using the third person comes across as artificial or insincere.
--SANDRA is a mere foil. Do you intend to develop her character further? Other than being a psychiatrist and friend, what is her emotional investment in this play?
--Do we get to see the father at all, or will he be absent all throughout the play? If you intend to work him in, he should make an appearance as early as possible, in order to balance your orchestration of characters.
Overall, your point of attack is good and your dialogue is also excellent.
I very much look forward to the completion of your work.
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