Hello Eleanor!
You have a wonderful beginning for an interesting, feminist play. I wish you the stamina to carry the whole thing through.
Here are my comments:
--Scene One, Line 7: Unless your male character is offbeat, I find it inappropriate that he volunteers to tell someone about his wife's pregnancy. It is usually the woman who hogs that privilege. As a general rule men do not announce their wife's pregnancy to anyone because, psychologically: 1) he has a subliminal sense of guilt about the pregnancy; 2) he will initially be in denial because of the concomitant responsibilities implied by the pregnancy; 3) he will subconsciously ask himself whether he will make a good father; and 4) it is another goodbye to a comfortable, predictable life, the first goodbye being to bachelorhood and the second goodbye to being only a husband and not yet a father.
--When you write a play, you tend to think in terms of scenes you like; this will result in a disjointed play. Write the first scene as thoroughly as you can with your premise constantly in mind--afterward, allow the play to write itself from there without having to conform to the zinger lines and scenes that play themselves in your mind.
--This is the kind of play that hinges on the right balance and orchestration of characters. Otherwise it is better written as a complex monologue that employs supporting roles that revolve like satellites round a single protagonist.
You have a wonderful beginning for an interesting, feminist play. I wish you the stamina to carry the whole thing through.
Here are my comments:
--Scene One, Line 7: Unless your male character is offbeat, I find it inappropriate that he volunteers to tell someone about his wife's pregnancy. It is usually the woman who hogs that privilege. As a general rule men do not announce their wife's pregnancy to anyone because, psychologically: 1) he has a subliminal sense of guilt about the pregnancy; 2) he will initially be in denial because of the concomitant responsibilities implied by the pregnancy; 3) he will subconsciously ask himself whether he will make a good father; and 4) it is another goodbye to a comfortable, predictable life, the first goodbye being to bachelorhood and the second goodbye to being only a husband and not yet a father.
--When you write a play, you tend to think in terms of scenes you like; this will result in a disjointed play. Write the first scene as thoroughly as you can with your premise constantly in mind--afterward, allow the play to write itself from there without having to conform to the zinger lines and scenes that play themselves in your mind.
--This is the kind of play that hinges on the right balance and orchestration of characters. Otherwise it is better written as a complex monologue that employs supporting roles that revolve like satellites round a single protagonist.
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