Dramaturgy for Theatreworks Singapore

Gabriel's Play: "Batam Marathon"

Dear Gabriel,

First of all, I want you to know that I have very high hopes for and expectations from you and De Jun, who were the youngest participants in my workshop.

Second, as with Li Shan, I want to know if you wrote this play before my workshop or after it.

Third, you need to do a lot of work, and I want you to do it.

If this was your first play, it is a very good first play. It was written with truth, from the point of view of someone your age, and from your firsthand experience. One of the best things I can say about it is that it flowed smoothly, was not awkward, and had nothing embarrassing in it--nothing that would make your hairs stand on end ten years from now, for example.

On the surface your work seems to be about a gender issue. Looking deeper, I find that it is really about a man's Anima and his Shadow. I have observed that young writers will always author a Faustian work of their own, which is not a bad thing except that it demands exceptional maturity.

Here are my comments:

1. Please paginate your work.

2. Your point of attack: The real play begins on Page 8, when the crisis begins.

3. If magical appearances and disappearances occur in your play anyway, what is the point of having long, phone conversations between characters? I encountered this in three other plays, by the way--while I realize that this is the cell phone age, phone conversations are frequently used as an ineffective, onstage device to introduce a non-present, non-interactive, character in the scene.

In the same vein, why is it necessary for the characters to travel all the way to Batam when all of the action could take place inside the bedroom?

4. Dramatically, nothing is at stake with your protagonists. The issue should be a life-or-death, life-changing, earth-shaking one. BJORN's choice of KLAUS, for instance, seemed random--it appears that the boy is being used a substitute for a no-show. Shouldn't he have consciously and purposefully chosen KLAUS from the very beginning?

A) Gender and sexual preference are two different issues. The latter does not constitute dramatic subject matter. As I mentioned in our workshop, the choice between a hamburger sandwich and a hot dog sandwich is not a dramatic problem.

B) If there was anything untruthful in your work, it was naming your characters KLAUS, BJORN, and VERONIKA. I interpret this as an unwillingness to face the real issue not necessarily in your life but in your work by giving them names from a distant culture.

C) In the ancient Chinese culture, bisexuality was not a big thing. It did not lead to any kind of identity crisis. The last thing you want your audience to ask is, "So what?"

5. Choose your words for dialogue carefully. In one sentence, for example, you use the word "gait"--which is pronounced exactly like "gate" and could be understood to mean exactly that.

6. Develop your characters and make your audience LOVE them. Other than just being a beautiful, intelligent girl, WHY is VERONIKA important to KLAUS and WHY should he not be able to live without her?

Do the same for KLAUS from the point of view of VERONIKA.

And for BJORN from the points of view of both KLAUS and VERONIKA.

7. If BJORN is gay, then make him gay. Do not make him SOMEWHAT gay. Do not, as a matter of fact, make any character only SOMEWHAT anything. your characters should represent what is DEFINITE. Only then can real dramatic action begin.

8. Be able to distinguish between your defense mechanisms as a writer and the defense mechanisms of your characters.

I hope this was helpful to you.

Please, send me your revised work by e-mail as a Word document attachment.