Dramaturgy for Theatreworks Singapore

Ellie's Play: "Birdrocks"

Hello Ellie,

You have written quite a charming, children's/pre-teens' play that works on two levels: the first a story that a non-adult audience can relate with; the second a symbolic parallel between caged bird and caged woman that an adult audience can comprehend and appreciate. I see further value in the work--at this point in human development, writers need to provide, by means of plays such as these, modern mythologies that will keep our children in touch with values that ancient mythos cannot provide when it is perceived as being already too remote.

Having said these, you need to work on the following:

1. "Birdrock" rather than "Birdrocks" seems to be a more appropriate title.

2. Only KATHRYN is a well-rounded character in this play. NEWTON and KEVIN seem to be mere foils or sounding-boards. As a matter of fact, if I take the play as is, NEWTON, the husband, can be completely eliminated leaving only mother and son onstage. The only reason we see him onstage is merely to show a complete family unit.

It might help if you did away with KATHRYN's tape recorder and make her physically address, instead, her husband.

3. CARL and ALBA manifest only as voices. Theatrically, NEWTON and KATHRYN can play those roles onstage by wearing masks or adding on pieces of clothing such as scarves or hats.

Disembodied voices are absolutely non-dramatic ploys.

4. Your point of attack is good; your dramatic change faulty.

Refer to page 12 of your manuscript. There is an abrupt, unexplained change from the phobic KATHRYN to the mature KATHRYN. Her long passage of reflection is not enough--that is more appropriate for the genre of the essay rather than the stage play. We need to SEE a change occurring in the character.

On the stage, therefore, SOMETHING SHOULD HAPPEN, with something important at stake. The only entry point that is open to you as a playwright is for something to happen to KEVIN, a character whom your protagonist loves, and for KATHRYN to see herself in KEVIN, in order to move toward that change.

Bear in mind that, no matter which theatrical style you choose--a puppet play, a musical, poetic realism, impressionism, expressionism--all of the characters should be AS REAL as the actual people around you.

5. Avoid over-articulating statements; credit your audience with the intelligence to understand everything you have presented them. For instance, do not summarize the ending as you did:

KATHRYN. Ginger has reconnected me with myself. It's been a healing time for me. Ginger has helped me to release Coco. Ginger and Coco. Feather and wings. Yep! Ginger makes for an exciting day.

That passage is unnecessary because you have already demonstrated it onstage.

Your play is very promising, and would come out as a colorful, exciting production. I am sure you have the stamina to revise it accordingly.

I hope that this is helpful to you.

Please, send me your revised or updated manuscript to my e-mail address as a Word document attachment.