Hello Helmi!
Just a few comments--otherwise your play is ready for a staged reading or, hopefully, a full production. It is dark yet funny and wonderfully Ibsenian. It is a commentary not on fundamentalism but on democracy (or the absence of it). As such it will be controversial and will upset many people in the audience (as all of your plays do anyway).
1) Page 7, Scene 4, 7th Line from Bottom: Might it not be funnier if you changed "LTG" to "LPG"?
2) Scene 13, Page 39, Line 1: MURAD is referred to as Brother again, rather than as Father. In his first appearance he was Brother, in later scenes as Father, and here once more as Brother.
3) Scene 15, Page 42, Line 4: Same comment as above. MURAD continues to be referred to as Brother even after this line.
4) Proofread your work carefully, especially for grammar.
5) Would your rather use "Pink Dot" or a fictionalized group name?
6) I understand that you are torn between titling the play The Burning (too Stephen King-y) and My Children Are Virgins after deciding not to title it The Fundamentalist Father. The word "Children" ties up this play with your previous "family" plays (My Mother Buys Condoms, My Father Wears Bras). The word "Virgins", though, is a bit off. Instead of the word "Are", choose an active verb, something like My Children Worship Me, My Children Come Home, or something contrapuntal and ironic.
Congratulations on completing a trilogy. I hope that the last two can be produced, after which all three can be published in their definitive, production versions.
Just a few comments--otherwise your play is ready for a staged reading or, hopefully, a full production. It is dark yet funny and wonderfully Ibsenian. It is a commentary not on fundamentalism but on democracy (or the absence of it). As such it will be controversial and will upset many people in the audience (as all of your plays do anyway).
1) Page 7, Scene 4, 7th Line from Bottom: Might it not be funnier if you changed "LTG" to "LPG"?
2) Scene 13, Page 39, Line 1: MURAD is referred to as Brother again, rather than as Father. In his first appearance he was Brother, in later scenes as Father, and here once more as Brother.
3) Scene 15, Page 42, Line 4: Same comment as above. MURAD continues to be referred to as Brother even after this line.
4) Proofread your work carefully, especially for grammar.
5) Would your rather use "Pink Dot" or a fictionalized group name?
6) I understand that you are torn between titling the play The Burning (too Stephen King-y) and My Children Are Virgins after deciding not to title it The Fundamentalist Father. The word "Children" ties up this play with your previous "family" plays (My Mother Buys Condoms, My Father Wears Bras). The word "Virgins", though, is a bit off. Instead of the word "Are", choose an active verb, something like My Children Worship Me, My Children Come Home, or something contrapuntal and ironic.
Congratulations on completing a trilogy. I hope that the last two can be produced, after which all three can be published in their definitive, production versions.
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