Writing from The Heart: Dramaturging JR's Screenplay

Writing from The Heart

"Writing from The Heart" is a workshop on creative writing, creative drawing, and creative drama. There are three available versions of this workshop: one for beginners on the secondary, tertiary, and graduate levels, and another for practitioners. A third version of this workshop is designed as an outreach program to disadvantaged and underserved audiences such as the disabled, the poor and the marginalized, victims of human trafficking, battered women and abused children, drug rehabilitation center residents, child combatants, children in conflict with the law, prisoners, and gang leaders. This third version incorporates creativity and problem awareness, conflict resolution, crisis intervention, trauma therapy, and peacemaking.

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Dramaturging JR's Screenplay

"Isla del Fuego"

Hi JR!

First of all, are you sure you want to use this title? This is the title of Eve Mascunana's book, and people might expect your film to be a version of it. Moreover, your film is not about the entire island but about one particular young woman on the island.

The entirety of your screenplay, however, and the story are very interesting. Your film promises to be several notches above the works of everyone else who owns a video camera.

Your main problem is dialogue. Your characters talk when they do not have to, and when mere close-ups would suffice. And, when they talk, they don't talk the way people do. For example, no one really uses the word "ngunit".

In the beginning of the screenplay, the mother says, "Anak, gising na. Baka tanghaliin na tayo sa pagpunta sa Dumaguete." In real life the mother would simply say, "Gising na!"

The girl's response is equally unrealistic: "Pasensya na po, Inay, napasarap lang po ng tulog. Mag-aayos na po ako." In reality the girl would simply rise, say nothing, and go to the bathroom.

In Seq 20 the cashier confesses that she really knew nothing when she applied for her job. No personnel manager would ever hire someone with no background for a cashiering position.

You have many dream sequences but you describe only the ones toward the end of the film.

Seq 31-B is your real point of attack. It is when your story begins. Nothing has been happening so far except to provide a backdrop for the story.

Try to avoid contrived situations that are mere tricks to push your story forward: the mother's sprained ankle, missed boats, etc.

If the grandmother is truly an effective healer, why couldn't she have healed the mother's sprained ankle immediately?

Be aware that Siquijor is an herb-and oil locale. The magic practitioners there never use talismans or medallions.

The ending is not optimistic. You should show what Dada proactively decides to be. Following your story, she should embrace her future as a sorceress. As it is you leave her in a psychologically comatose condition.

Give closure to the other characters as well: Bea and Pao especially.

I see your passion in your screenplay. Although this is about a turning point in a young woman's life, it is really about your discovery of Siquijor and Dumaguete and the marvelous things you found there. Go for it, and I wish you the best of luck!