It is impossible to prevent other people from reading any piece of writing.

It is equally impossible to tell a writer what he should write.

A writer without a personal worldview, no matter how much you'd disagree with it, is not worth reading.

Dramaturgy for TheatreWorks Singapore: Gabriel

"We Fell In A Marathon"

Hello Gabriel!

This version of your play is so much better, and so much more effective, than the first.

Your point of attack is perfect. Dramatic action begins and moves on swiftly.

Dialogue: It is Anthony who is the poet. Be wary of how the other characters speak. On Page 2, Fifth Line from Bottom, for instance, Mr. Seow says, "It's either you submitting to me or that." In a normal situation, a man would blurt out spontaneously, "Give me what I want!" or "Give it to me!" (Or something more explicit than that.) There is something primal about your subject matter, represented by Mr. Seow, and he should speak accordingly.

You have cleverly gotten rid of cell phone conversations. Congratulations.

I commend your work because it has become more honest and more emotionally truthful. It is no longer hampered by the masks and disguises that you endowed the first version with.

There is, however, more work to be done:

--You need to develop all three characters, particularly their historicity: Where are they coming from? Where are they going? What do they really want? Otherwise the audience will find it extremely difficult to sympathize with any one of them. This will make your play longer and fuller.

--Your ending is ambiguous. The ending should give closure to all three characters, not just Anthony. The audience will also want to see, comprehend, and understand what is in the letter.

You've stepped from the shore into the water. Now go for the deep end.

Write and paint because you MUST, without thinking of how much money you can immediately or eventually make out of your work.

Writing for money and painting for money change the quality not only of your work, but of your artistic soul.

There is really only one way to improve your writing or your drawing by leaps and bounds, and that is to practice it eight hours a day.

When writing or drawing, the hand of your teacher should never be evident.